The Ugly Hanukkah Sweater Round up is here! Finally there’s some festive holiday clothing for us members of the tribe.
Shopping for an Ugly Hanukkah Sweater is a real thing now
No more resorting to lame DIY attempts with a dreidel and glue gun. You can do better than that. In fact, these knit monstrosities are now just as easy to find as ugly Christmas sweaters. Jews have been left out of this holiday madness in years past, but we are finally part of a more inclusive consumer fashion culture with this one, and not a moment too soon.
Look no further than Amazon.
If think about it, ugly holiday sweaters are a much better investment for us Jews. Our holiday lasts 8 days. We have longer to wear them.Plus, when it comes to light up sweaters, it’s a no brainer. This totally makes sense for us. We’re on menorah duty all week long. May as well own it. On your shirt. No worrying about locating those randomly sized candles, or burning down your house.
My final argument for why this totally makes sense it the awareness that Jews have long been a part of the “Schmatta” biz. That’s a slang word for rags/clothing to those of you who don’t speak Yiddish. If we can’t scare up something to wear to the office party and slap a menorah and a cat on it, who can?
Whatever… I’m just glad I can finally party with all my ugly sweater loving pals.
No matter your faith, there’s probably an excruciatingly awful sweater out there for you. Here’s a few of my own faves for this ugly Christmas sweater season.
PSA: NOW is the time to order these! Don’t be like me last year, running to three different Target stores in search of the one last Ugly Jewish Christmas sweater in Orange County, Ca!
Note: This post contains affiliate links. You won’t pay any more for things than you would if you showed up on your own, but my site gets a small portion of the proceeds. This helps to set off my expenses for maintaining this site. And maybe I can get a little bag of chocolate gelt too this year.
Women’s Hanukkah Sweaters
This sweater is for the woman who knows what she is all about and wears it proudly. You’re on notice. Chai maintenance means she’s committed to living her best life at all times. Don’t skimp on her presents! She’s totally Chai Maintenance
Holidays can leave you absolutely dizzy. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Bet it all on Gimmel, the winning side of that dreidel. When the dreidel lands on that letter, you win the entire pot. Hopefully there’s some real money in it for you, and not just the chocolate kind. This might be your Lucky Dreidel-shark Sweater .
What do cats, unicorns, dinosaurs and llamas have to do with this oft misspelled Jewish holiday? Absolutely nothing. Let’s face it, nobody knows how to spell Chanukah/Hanukkah the right way and nobody knows why any of these are a thing. But they sure are cute.
Show your mellow side with a no drama llama approach to the whole sweater thing. This one is even wearing a tallis/scarf so you know he’s a devout llama. Hanukkah Llamakah Hanukkah Llama Sweater
If cats are your thing then you can wear this happy Hanukcats sweatshirt with pride. It does bear some mentioning that the menorah pictured on this shirt is technically NOT a Hanukkiah menorah. It only has 7 branches. A proper Hanukkah menorah must have 9 branches that signify the 8 nights and a “shamus” that is the taller/center candle that you light the others with. Cats are not particularly concerned with being kosher, however. S0 it might be amusing to wear this and see how many people critique it. When they do, you can just show them your butt and walk away like you know your Hanukcat mascots would. Comes in black for those with white cats at home. Happy HanukCats Ugly Hanukkah Cat Sweater
Are you the only Jew in your friend group, or better yet – your entire village? Do people often say “I’ve never met a real life Jew before!” to you? Then this Jewnicorn sweater is for you. It’s also appropriate for super special Jews, super colorful Jews, and any Jews that refuse to grow up and pay for their own cell phone plan. It also comes in a Women’s Jewnicorn Sweater version. Jewnicorn Hanukkah Sweater for Men
Let’s Get Lit Hanukkah Sweater & Menorah Sweaters
It’s just too perfect of a phrase! By the end of 8 nights of saying this, you’re going to be just as sick of saying it, as you are sick of the endless holiday muzak playing everywhere. But that isn’t dampening you spirit for now. For now you are ready to party, and light that menorah, and announce to the world “Let’s get lit!” We hear you bro. Double shots of slivovitz to wash the latkes down. Let’s Get Lit Hanukkah Sweater
This classic fairisle pattern would almost fit in at any country club. Almost. It’s a perfectly preppy version of the classic Ugly Christmas sweaters of the 80s and 90s. Your boarding school friends and office-mates will be sure to appreciate the taste and restraint that you showed when choosing this sweater for the holiday party. After all, tinsel and light up sweaters are so gaudy. You’re more of a Latkes and Vodka party guy. With caviar and creme fraiche, please. When you need a more conservative , high class, ugly Chanukah sweater, this one’s there for you. Preppy Hanukkah Sweater
Everything we said about the last Hanukkah sweater also applies to this one. This Hanukkah Cardigan would be right at home on the set of almost any 90s family sitcom. It’s especially ironic on anyone over the age of 50, with or without grandchildren. Wear this sweater and as the resident elder you will be asked to settle the argument about all the burning Hanukkah questions such as: “Why are there 9 candles on the menorah, but only 8 nights of Hanukkah?” Or, “Why are Dreidels such a big deal?” And the perennial question that nobody can ever really answer, “When will my house stop smelling like fried onions?” Klassy Hanukkah Cardigan
If you’re feeling ancient, yet young at heart (see our T-rex dinosaur menorah tutorial immediately if you don’t already have a Menorahsaurus on your windowsill) then you will appreciate this Hanukkah Menorahsaurus Sweatshirt. Menorasaurus Rex Hanukkah Sweater
For the woman who has everything but the light up sweater… Come on Baby Light My Menorah
This Men’s Light Up Ugly Hanukkah Sweater serves as festive holiday gear AND a nightlight if you sleep in it. No more tripping on your way to the bathroom after a night of holiday overindulgence. If the lights last for all 8 nights, that is also probably a miracle. Happy Chanuka Mens Light up Sweater
Multi-Faith Ugly Christmukkah Sweaters for Mixed Mixers
Who says you can’t have it all? Light it up and embrace it all. Here’s an inclusive sweater that shows we have so much in common. Iconic two word phrases, long white beards and a penchant for holiday lights. Ho Ho Ho/Oy Oy Oy Light up Ugly Holiday Sweater
Being raised as “both” can be totally confusing. You never know which side of your heritage to share. It’s complicated and you are often misunderstood. But never fear. Even if you don’t know where you fit in, there’s a simple solution. This realistic looking pullover is printed up in a clever fashion. It will help you show your true self without pissing off either side of your family. Politically Correct Ugly Holiday Sweater
Sick of explaining Hanukkah to everyone? Let this Hanukkah Sweatshirt do the talking. It’s the best explanation of Hanukkah that pretty much everyone can immediately understand. Just point to the shirt. Miracle of Hanukkah Shirt
Honorable Mention Ugly Chanukah Sweaters & Holiday Tees