This past week has marked the end of an era that was, thankfully brief.
But it felt like it lasted forever. Three inches and two shoe sizes worth of growth spurt. Four new best friends. A dozen teacher conferences and class parties. Seven orthodontist appointments. At least two all nighters with sick, barfing kids.
Half a school year.
That was how long my husband has been gone, working in San Francisco on a long term contract. It was intense product development and he was not able to come come home on most weekends. Just once a month, for a couple of those months.
I thought a lot about military wives, single moms, widows. I tried not to feel sorry for myself. Can’t say I succeeded. But, with four kids in four schools (none of them nearby) and a full time career, I had little time to wallow.
Daddy in the Box refers to nightly Skype sessions. We’d leave the computer cam on in the kitchen, and my husband would leave his on at his desk, or in his hotel room. It was nothing almost like being there. But no hugs. Frequent disconnects. The kids grew frustrated when the screen would freeze. My three yr old hated it so much that he hid from Daddy in the Box. My seven year old was too distracted by his own mug on camera to have a real, meaningful conversation. Now I know where the phrase “aping” the camera comes from. 7 year olds. Not apes.
I’m proud of myself for surviving. Proud to say my 15 year old never missed the train. We only forgot the preschooler’s lunch once. I made it to everyone’s conferences. Homework was done. Permission slips signed. Laundry washed too.
In some ways it was easier. My way or the highway. No arguing about discipline practices or chores. No playing chicken with the dishes in the sink, seeing who would load them first. I did them and I was done.
So I’ve learned that I’m a little less lazy than I thought (dishes) and far more stoic (everything else).
As awful as it was, I’m glad we did it. It’s refreshing to be able to appreciate my husband for all the things he does, rather than nag about all the things he doesn’t do. When I say I know how it feels to do it ALL, I mean it. I’ve done it. Alone. But not without the support of amazing friends and family. Which counts for a lot.
A whole damn lot.
I love this post, you’re so amazing Ciaran! I don’t wish for my hubs to go away (I would die) but I can see how it would be a great lesson in strength and appreciation. Congrats on not killing anyone!
We can joke about villages and such, but my oh my, so much of how a family is nurtured is with the rag-tag bunch of people who decide to love themselves into the crazy.
Yay for that, but also for homecomings.
You are amazing for doing this for as long as you did, without losing your cool! When our “dad in the box” is gone for just a few nights it’s like everything is a little bit “off.” And you’re right, as amazing as Skype and Facetime can be, the kids get frustrated with it. Glad to hear you are all back together!
Now it is your turn. Indulge in a spa day for yourself. Or perhaps an entire weekend!
I do admire all women who have to courage to say “It’s over” I think a lot of women are in an unhappy marriage but are afraid to take the next step. Hurry for you!
I hope you get some time for you now!
glad it was only temporary – single motherhood is HARD – been there / done that!
I love that you can track the inches and shoe size changes. I’m not sure I could and my husband hasn’t left town.
Somethings are easier when you’re on your own, but mostly it’s just harder. Congrats on making it through and not ending up in a corner of the room, just banging your head against the wall, rocking back and forth and drooling!
Oh my goodness, from your post title I thought you were getting a divorce!
I am so glad it was (no doubt stressful) not involving in that kind of heartbreak.
almost 5 months! That is a long time. You are such a strong woman! I’m happy he’s back with you guys.
With my husband’s job he is gone a lot during waking hours, so I’ll only see him on his days off. I’m not comparing that to what you have just experienced at all! However, I totally get what you mean when some things are easier. One night he came home early. I was so glad to have him back, but it totally messed with my schedule! LOL I felt so bad for thinking that.
Oh my goodness, from your post title I thought you were getting a divorce!
I am so glad it was (no doubt stressful) not involving in that kind of heartbreak.
almost 5 months! That is a long time. You are such a strong woman! I’m happy he’s back with you guys.
With my husband’s job he is gone a lot during waking hours, so I’ll only see him on his days off. I’m not comparing that to what you have just experienced at all! However, I totally get what you mean when some things are easier. One night he came home early. I was so glad to have him back, but it totally messed with my schedule! LOL I felt so bad for thinking that.
I was thinking along the same lines as Jamie! SO happy that isn’t the case! You are an amazing woman and I am so encouraged to read this post. If there was ever a time to give yourself some grace this would have been it!
Crazy seems to be my zone!
Crazy seems to be my zone!
Umm… I’m not sure how to say this Tania, but we’re not breaking up. We’re kinda happy to be back under the same roof again after months apart. 😉
Who says I didn’t do that Deborah? Were you spying on me?
Who says I didn’t do that Deborah? Were you spying on me?
It is hard when they are there and not there and suddenly there again. As happy as you are to see them the whole routine gets thrown off. I know exactly what you mean.
Who says I didn’t do that Deborah? Were you spying on me?
Who says I didn’t do that Deborah? Were you spying on me? It wasn’t too much drool I swear.
You really are my hero! I feel like a slacker! I had one week on my own and hell broke out! My only difference is I don’t have family to help me so you are so lucky to have that ! But really you are an amazingly strong women! Xoxooxu
You really are my hero! I feel like a slacker! I had one week on my own and hell broke out! My only difference is I don’t have family to help me so you are so lucky to have that ! But really you are an amazingly strong women! Xoxooxu
Being a single parent is difficult — I’ve been there too. Thankfully I only had one infant to raise at the time. Glad to hear that your family has returned to it’s normal rhythm again.
You really are my hero! I feel like a slacker! I had one week on my own and hell broke out! My only difference is I don’t have family to help me so you are so lucky to have that ! But really you are an amazingly strong women! Xoxoox
Parenting is hard when two parents are around, I cannot even imagine what you have been through all this time. You are such a strong woman, hoping you get a lot of “me” time now.
Ciaran….you truly are amazing…I can so relate to this…and your post really made me think about how important it is for me to recognize everything the hubby does rather than focusing on what he doesn’t or why he’s not around. You definitely deserve a spa day….
thanks for sharing!
I am so glad to hear that you husband is finally out of the box. I loved your perspective of looking at it as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship