You know what is amazing about this photo of my great aunt and her friends?
But especially their confidence. I don’t get the feeling that any of these girls, who lived in a far more modest and less “enlightened” time, were all that hung up about their thighs. They look happy. Possibly because nobody needed to rush out for a Brazilian waxing before hitting the beach and getting cellulite was not a more pressing problem than the possibility of contracting polio.
I’ve seen far too many articles about “bathing suit confidence” this year. They go one of two ways:
1. Get your fat lazy ass out of that armchair and get rid of the muffin top you disgusting cow!!! (choose your poison: cleansing, exercise, liposuction, lotions & potions, self tanner, prayer.)
2. Love and accept yourself! (but just enough to buy a swimsuit that will cover you to your knees, hold your ample bosoms in a vise-like grip and shoot colorful laser beams into the sky to detract attention away from your perturbing post-baby pooch.)
So here’s the thing. I’m going to ask a favor of you this summer. If you hang out with me, just shut up already.
Quit talking about your body. I don’t care if you’re ripped or roly poly. Really, I don’t. I think you are every bit as gorgeous as my great aunt and her friends, but if you’re talking about your ass, I suspect your are a whole lot less happy and you are now making me unhappy too, by going on about it.
I never noticed your saddlebags or your love handles or your inner thigh pudge till you described it in detail to me, and told me about how it’s ruining your life. More like ruling your life as you plan everything else around your schemes to hide, correct and remove pieces of yourself.
That’s probably what my great aunt would have thought too, by the way. She would have thought, huh, she really needs to get a life.
Feel free to judge me for not judging you, if you get a spare moment off from judging yourself.
Look dude, I know it’s hard. I live in the same society as you. I struggle too. But the above photo helps me, so maybe looking at it will help too. Do me a favor and show it to your daughters too, if you have any. I’m showing it to mine.
Note: I am not a small person. My body looks nothing like a VS model’s. But it does look a little like some of the girls above. Real. I can deal.
So thanks Aunt Honey. Thanks to you and the reality check of this photo. I’m not going to waste any more time convincing anyone of how un-perfect my ass is this summer. I’ll get in the pool without dragging my towel with me to the stairs. I’m not even going to bother to obsess about bikini bottoms vs boy shorts. Comfort and decency are the looks I’m embracing. I think they will look sexy on me no matter what shape they take.
And if they don’t, no worries. I’m pretty sure everyone else will be too busy worrying about their own asses to pay attention to mine.