Tween Halloween Costume Hall of Shame!

It’s that time of year again. That time when market forces seem to dictate that ten year olds should dress in fetish wear and ask strange men for candy.  For one night, just one night… we can turn all the regular stuff on it’s ear. It’s one thing for adults to embrace the pageantry of Halloween and dress in provocative clothes. But how much is too much when it comes to our kids?

Over the years I’ve gotten into enough heated debates with my fellow parents of tweens and teens to know better than to proclaim across the board what’s acceptable and what’s not.  There’s a bit of to each their own that comes out this time of year. But since this is my site and and I’m still the Cheif Mom Officer under my own roof, I’ll tell you which witch suits definitely won’t fly in this house!

Instant costume rule outs for me include:

• Small sizes of popular fetishwear ie: School Girl, Naughty Nurse, French Maid, Little Red Riding hood, Little Bo Peep (Note: is your 12 yr old “really into” nursery rhyme characters? Would she beg for that costume if the skirt hit the knee and there were no platform shoes? Didn’t think so)
• Anything with a lace-up bustier paired with a skirt so short you see buns and she looks like she needs to trade the treat sac for a frosty mug: It’s Halloween. Not Oktoberfest.
• Anything labeled “Sexy Tween” (insert costume theme here) in the catalog. That’s just wrong people.
• Anything labeled “Sassy” (code for sexy) or “Vixen” (code for jailbait) and possibly even “Hottie” (ie: this ain’t your lil’s sister’s Dora costume) is also probably suspect

And so, without further ado, I present a small sampling of this year’s Halloween Costume Hall of Shame (Note: all of these costumes  are currently being sold for and marketed to tweens and teens and come in girl’s sizes from 10-16).

Sometimes it’s not just about the costume, but how it is worn/displayed. Take the referee costume… It might not be so bad with a pair of soccer cleats. My daughter bought an adorable Dorothy Costume last year that went straight from wholesomely cute to “Dorothy Does Dallas” when you added in the essential accessories as pictured on the package: thigh high fish net stockings paired with stripper-style red glitter five inch platform pumps. Of course the pumps were probably the whole reason she and dozens of other tweens begged for that costume to begin with. This year I am seeing a lot of white knee socks worn with assorted sky high heels that sort of smack of the porn industy’s fantasy image of sexy schoolgirl. No offense to any of you Moms out there that regularly pair your stripper heels with your white schoolgirl knee socks. I’m thinking of trying it out when I take my kids to school next week. I’m pretty sure that will be the end of their requests to wear anything similar.

One more sensitive issue I’d be negligent not to raise is the following. One that affects moms and dads of young teens everywhere.  This the fact that your beautiful developing tween/teen daughter may actually look very alluring and sexy in almost any costume short of a burka worn with a Spongebob mask. Maybe you’re even happy for her, proud of her gorgeousness, even while it freaks you out a little.  You’re in trouble, and everyone is letting you know it, in case you weren’t already freaking out. Friends and family like to make that knowing face, as they slap you on the back and smirk and snicker. “Dude… You’re in trouble….”

I  feel your pain and recognize the dilemma you’re in. It may be a losing battle in the end. But it shouldn’t be a losing battle when your kid is still 12. Don’t give up and let her tart out too young.  Stay strong! Leave her something stupid to look forward to in college when you no longer are buying her Halloween get ups. While you’re still shelling out for the costume of her dreams, try and remember that childhood is fleeting and if she’s still trick or treating, she shouldn’t look like she’s turning tricks!

Stay tuned next week as I share some Halloween costume suggestions for your teens and tweens are not totally tarty, or totally dorky/uncool. I’m getting help on that assignment from the tweens/teens.