Every single one of my friends with a vagina, and a few without, have an opinion about who you should go to, to service your lady parts.
And I find it fascinating.
I started collecting opinions when I was pregnant with my third child and switching practices. A friend of mine, also pregnant, told me her logic for booking all her appointments with a handsome, hunky doc at the local trendy mega practice.
“He’s an ex of mine, ” she explained. “He’s already familiar with the territory and besides, it would be way too weird to have a woman poking around down there. I don’t think I could deal with that.”
I admired her frankness, and the fact that she’d made such a conscious decision. And yet I found myself steering away from the hunky doc when I visited that same practice. In fact I ended up leaving that practice all together after my 3rd was born because the appointments were always a crapshoot. You never knew for sure who’d be snapping on the latex gloves, until you got into the stirrups.
When it comes to choosing a doc, many of my friends take the opposite (gender) tact. Why would you want a MAN examining your parts and giving you advice when he has no firsthand experience with what you have going on down there?
I buy that. I’m definitely more comfortable with female doctors. How much more comfortable? Possibly a little too comfortable?
I really liked my OB/Gyn that delivered my last kid. Aside from being a good practitioner, I liked her. She’s about my age, similarly educated and has kids about the same age as mine. We share similar politics, parenting philosphy and television preferences.We live in the same area. My appointments always ran a little long, because we’d chat.
If she wasn’t my Gyn, I’m sure we’d be friends.
At least that’s what I thought when I went in for a follow up appointment after my last pregnancy. If you’ve ever been pregnant, you know how bittersweet those appointments are. You’re getting cut loose, no more regular check ups. It’s a whole new routine and at a time when you’re sleepless and still a little sore, it’s almost depressing. But honestly, you no longer need a doctor. What you need are friends. That’s what I was thinking, as we chuckled over some local gossip. I realized I’d miss the doc.
“Don’t be a stranger,” I said. “Maybe we could go out for coffee some time!”
Crickets.
“If that’s not too weird…” I added.
Uncomfortable silence.
This is when I realized that I invited another woman, who’d just had her hand up my hoo ha, for coffee. Something had been breached.
But honestly, deeply personal exams aside, I really thought we clicked.
Perhaps I crossed the line. Or perhaps I was wrong about the clicking. I might have mistaken a really convincing bedside manner for friendship. Maybe she has “rules” of her own. Maybe she didn’t like me after all!
I’ll probably never know. The sad truth is that good gynecologists s are a little harder to find than friends. No time to dwell on any feelings of rejection. This year at my pap I was all biz. Slam, bam, pap you ma’am, see ya later. Same time next year. No coffee date required.
Pity though. We had so much in common, besides knowing all about my vagina.
Was I crazy to think you can be friends with your Gyn?
I totally did the same thing with my OB… though, I waited until I ran into her at a school function to ask her out. I mean, what is wrong with you, Ciaran?! 😉
There was definitely a very awkward silence after I suggested we get together sometime with both our pants on. And then, I’ll be damned, she called me the next day! Unfortunately, she invited me to something stupid that told me I had misjudged her and we never tried to party with our pants on again.
Good try, though.
“party with our pants on”. LOL!
I have had the same OB/GYN my entire “womanhood” and I’d go so far as to say we’re friends. His wife and I are friends. She and I even made a 2 hour one-way trip to a conference. I’ve been to parties at their house. Our kids went to the same school. I think it’s possible. I mean, my hoo-ha isn’t any different than any others, right? He’s been with me through a miscarriage, a pregnancy that ended in a live birth, sat with me as my 24 day old died, carried me through another pregnancy and stayed with me until he was safely into this world. I now live 2 hours away and still make the trip to see him once a year for my check-up.
So I think it’s possible!
Don’t feel funny about putting yourself out there with yours and getting crickets. It’s a strange relationship. Maybe one day coffee will happen.
Thanks Jane. It sounds like you have a wonderful doc, and friend there! I appreciate your take and realize it could also just be that the doc and I are both ridiculously overscheduled – one more thing we have in common. Not enough time to pursue friendships!
My OB/GYN and I used to be on the same gym schedule and he’s a kisser.
I’m in the “no” camp.
I can understand keeping work and friendship separate, I guess. Some people really need their life organized that way. But she could have said something to make the situation less awkward.
Well considering that my OB/GYN and I don’t get along very well as it is, I would say I’m definitely a no on this one. She had to look up my daughters issue ON THE INTERNET to “verify” what I was saying. So yeah…
I am friends with my gyn — she delivered both my babies and gives me my yearly pap. my boys call her ‘that lady that took us out of you’…
I always thought that to be a gyn — one had to be pretty open and somewhat open minded with all that vag, but in your case – I guess not.
People have asked me – is it weird? I say no.
I’m FB friend with my Physical Therapist, but then again, he’s not examining my lady parts. I haven’t had good luck with gyn’s. I researched & interviewed to pick one before my 1st pregnancy, only to have her leave me & move her practice across town the week before I delivered. :/ I have a great one now. He’s about late 50’s, and a charming Irishman. I don’t think I’ll ever be invited out to coffee with him though. 😉
I do prefer male gyn, and no I don’t want him to be my friend, also I had had three different obgyns in the last 3 years! 🙂
I am great friends with mine! well she is my husbands best friends wife’s sister! I almost she and her sister are in practice together and I would have gone to my husbands bbf’s wife.. but I thought one separation would be easier. they are the best obg/ gyn I know. i had an awful experience with my first so this was refreshing. we see each other at holidays and friend get togethers. we watch our kids grow and I always remind my kids that lilly delivered them. I am so happy that she will always be around though out our lives. I also think my husband loved that his best friends wife’s sister who he knew prior to me was in the room!
opps no almost in the first sentence after sister!
I’m a pelvic floor physical therapist (sort of an Ob/Gyn PT as I describe to people) so I get similar friend inquiries from my patients. It’s difficult NOT becoming friends with some of them, as I see them for 1-2 hrs/week anywhere from 2 to 6 months, they are close in age to me with similar interests as well. And when I’m working “in there”, I always quickly divert the conversation to something else entirely so we end up talking about anything and everything, like you would with your friends. Actually, some of my former patients are now my closest friends. Heck, one has even babysat for us a few times. I think it’s really based on the provider and how open they are to making new friends in general. Perhaps she does have “rules” or perhaps she thinks she has enough friends already. I wouldn’t take it personally.
Let me make this simple for you NO!
I’ve never considered it, although I’ve definitely liked a couple nurses I’ve had.
maybe if it was like my son’s pediatrician, I’d try. But no gynecologist.
my mom and dad are pretty much best friends with my mom’s gyno (a man)…. It sounds so creepy to say that!
Since the past four gynos I’ve been to have all made a pass at my cervix (it’s not their fault, it’s extremely attractive) I would think they were only wanting to be my friend to get “in” with my cervix, sigh…
I’m sure it’s possible. But maybe some doc would rather not cross that doctor/patient line though. Hell, I won’t even let the gal who gives me a facial wax my bikini line. So I’d probably not have coffee with a woman who’s gotten further with me than my own husband!
I f’ing hated my OB who delivered my baby. I couldn’t wait to cut her loose after I had my daughter. The woman I see now is one of those close talkers, so no, she’s out too.
But I’ll meet ya for coffee! 🙂
No I love my gyn. She calls Me in prescriptions, I don’t even need to go in. We talk about how men can be pigs and everything under the sun so it’s possible. Just a friend you don’t really hang out with often but when you do see eachother you catch up. lol.
LOL Um….I don’t have any kind of real rel. with my OB//GYN. I visit a very busy practice and it’s literally an in/out visit….he does what needs to be done and I’m out of there and we’re both happy that it wasn’t endless and painful….LOL !