When it comes to responsible alcohol consumption, I consider myself very fortunate to have had good role models growing up. I’ve never once seen my parents drunk. The closest I’ve observed to my parents being “under the influence” was once or twice when they were a little buzzed from a third glass of wine at Passover. But never drunk. Never out of control. Never acting regrettably or hung over.
I’ve partnered with Responsibility.Org to help spread awareness of alcohol education resources, and this is a sponsored post, one of several you will see here in coming months. As always, all opinions are my own.
After that initial buzz, my parents simply stopped drinking. Naturally, I assumed that was how it was done.
My parents also did not drink when they knew they had to drive, or be “on” in any way. Not even a little bit. This was not negotiable. They didn’t drink often but there was no taboo placed on alcohol either. The alcohol cabinet was well stocked, like the spice cabinet, and similarly something that you respected. Alcohol was like salt. Why would you want to pour too much salt on your food and ruin it?
Drinks were reserved for celebratory occasions – a toast at a graduation, a holiday, a family barbecue on vacation at the lakehouse. Alcohol was a treat, but never treated as a forbidden substance.
When I was a teenager I was allowed to drink a glass of wine, or two at our family’s Passover seder, under the watchful eyes of my parents. My older siblings questioned me repeatedly as I sipped, forcing me to take stock of how the wine affected me “How are you feeling? Close your eyes and touch your nose,” they teased me. The one year I had a generous third glass and earned myself a splitting headache and a case of the spins, the questions were a little more pointed. I’d learned my limit. It didn’t happen again. Not at Passover, and not at college when many of my friends were likely to drink till they passed out.
It wasn’t till I was an adult and friends traded stories about having observed their parents getting wasted, and the conflicting messages about alcohol that existed in their homes, that I realized what a gift my own upbringing was. Aside from it being fairly traumatic to see a parent lose control, it’s also a terrible precedent that can, and in many cases has led to alcohol problems with kids.
Nobody responds well to the message “do as I say, not as I do.” I’ve seen alcohol abuse and misuse destroy families and I am well aware that none of us are immune.
I’ve tried to model responsible drinking for my kids, in the same way my parents modeled for me. I drink on happy occasions, and never too much. This is just one more way that I strive to keep my kids safe, to imbue them with judgement and standards, and to show them what I consider to be the boundaries of responsible behavior. A very basic way.
It’s relatively easy for me to model moderation, because of the way I was raised and also, simply the way that I am wired. I’m lucky to have inherited a non-addictive personality type from my parents. I’m grateful for the tendency to get a headache when I drink more than a glass or two of anything. This, along with my parent’s good role modeling made it more unlikely for me to develop problems with alcohol.
Not everyone in our extended family has been as lucky.
While I hope my modeling sets a good precedent, I’m not naive enough to think that it’s the be-all and end-all. There are so many factors at play. This is one of the few factors I control.
We’re all too aware that this is a high stakes experiment, and one that we face alongside many of our peers, and their children. Our teens come home with stories about how other families behave around alcohol and the dialog that exists in other homes. It’s often very different than ours. I’ve known countless moms that joke daily about “wine o clock”, dozens of dads that slap each other on the back recounting tales of getting wasted, or who in fact do get wasted, on a regular basis, at local sports bars and family friendly events at our local park. I cringe a little about this.
Their kids, and mine too, are watching. I wonder how they speak to their children about responsible alcohol use.
I don’t have the answers. Ultimately we do what feels right and we keep talking, discussing and debating the boundaries of responsible alcohol consumption.
My primary goal is to teach my children that they have power over alcohol, not the other way around. My prayer is that these messages stick and remain true. It’s a lesson taught on a tightrope.
Fortunately for me and my kids (and you and yours) there are many resources available for parents to help navigate this topic and raise responsible kids. We are not alone and I recommend you read the following articles:
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