I’m tackling a delicate subject here.
In the struggling economy and crumbling educational system of CA (and I suspect elsewhere) a lot of fuss is made to honor your children’s teachers. This past year we’ve been asked to donate classroom materials to make her life easier, cater her lunch for a week (parents taking turns), buy her morning lattes, buy her presents for birthdays and holidays (including a few I’ve always considered “non gifting”), help her grade papers and give her giftcards to her favorite stores “just because”.
And I’m sick of it. To be sure there are some incredible, awesome, dedicated teachers out there. We’ve been fortunate enough to have a handful of these over the years and I will always be grateful. I’d buy my daughter’s 8th grade teacher a laptop and a Maserati if I had the funds. She is that awesome.
But not all teachers are. And not for all kids. The reason great teachers stand out, is because they are exceptional.
I think the problem with the whole shower-the-teachers-with-love-and-consumer-goods movement is that when I don’t love the teacher, it feels like Payola. Buy her a latte and your kid gets a little attention and bumped up to the advanced math group, finally. Get her a Nordstrom’s gift card and your kid will get a decent role in the school play. Yes. This happens.
My three school aged kids have sat in classrooms with over 27 teachers over the last ten years. And I can quickly think of 10 that I truly loved and respected. The rest, the majority, have ranged from a mild “meh” to an affronted “probably shouldn’t be around children.” At the end of every year with the less than ideal educators, I’m faced with the same dilemma. Do I really want to reward their indifference, or worse, incompetence, with an insincere card and gift?
There’s plenty of advice and myriad craft projects for what to give a GREAT teacher for an end of year present. I’m zigging here and presenting my list of what to give a not so hot one. Of course you could give nothing, but think of your kids… If they are lucky, they may not even know their teacher sucked, or what they were missing. You want them to be polite! Plus, the peer pressure to give parting gifts is so great, that it’d be cruel to send your kid in empty handed.
Time for you to get clever.
1. A self help book. Normally I think self help books make terrible gifts But let’s face it, when a first grade teacher has “never ever heard of this thing called “dyslexia””, she could use to bone up on her reading. Wrap it up real pretty with a handmade bookmark.
2. A plant. Not all flowers are nice. Did you know that the Cyclamen represents “resignation and “goodbye”? Most likely, neither did your teacher. I find that if you pick a plant that matches the message you’d really like to send, at least you won’t feel totally terrible for spending five bucks on someone you don’t actually want to get a gift for.
3. A donation to a charity YOU love. This brilliant suggestion comes via my friend K. who had a son with cleft palate who was treated abominably by his teacher all year. At the end of the year the families made a gift card “tree” for the teacher. My friend simply tied on a card saying that “A donation has been made in your name to Smile Train”. She smiled about it all summer long.
A great teacher absolutely SHOULD be celebrated. But I’m not one to participate in the Emperor’s New Clothes Fashion Spectacular. I call em like I see ’em. So when it comes to end of the year presents, I just might be shopping for a Cyclamen.
Note: These recommendations assume that the year is over, that reports cards have already been sent and that you don’t have a younger child at risk of getting the same teacher next year.
Good grief. My son’s K teacher ROCKS…but she’d be happier if I had him make her something. She’s a big sucky ball of goop.
I just DO NOT get that they ASK you to shower her with stuff!! Jeepers.
Well, those are much better suggestions than the one I recommended: a case of bruised apples. THAT would definitely not earn the kids any places on stage next year.
Thanks for the more intelligent un-gift ideas. 😉
THIS is flipping genius and I will regret forever that I didn’t read it LAST WEEK.
My kindergarten son picks flowers from the yard and gives them to his teacher. I coached him to smile and say, “I picked these for you.” Well ahead of the Teacher Appreciation. Week. Way overboard. Way overkill. And yes, I’m married to a teacher.
Our school does stuff for teacher’s appreciation week, which we all contribute to. I’d forgotten about an individual end-of-year gift. I like my kids’ teachers, but…
The donation thing is fantastic. My bro was born w/CL&P so I just love that one. I am fortunate to say that in my short time w/school age kids I’ve had all but 1 great teacher. The 1 was mediocre not terrible. I think it’s really sad that you’ve had to give SO much. Now that R has been unemployed for the last 8 mo, I’m honest w/the room moms about it, and my lack of being able to help out. You do what you gotta’ do. Love this post.
I can’t believe all you were asked to get for her. DH and I rolled our eyes when we were asked for additional boxes of pencils because Big had plenty in his desk. And… I’m a teacher and we’re in the middle of a MEGA budget crisis that has people comparing our state gov’t’s education values to Michigan.
ANYWAY… love these suggestions. LOVE them. This year I had a hard time being asked for the usual $10 for the group gift and feeling the need to give something as well. (I mean, really? get rid of the freakin’ group gift already if everyone is solo gifting anyway. ESPECIALLY get rid of the group gift when the room parent has tacky taste and gives HIDEOUS jewelry. sigh. digression.) I’m regifting a coffee cup (and you know I’ve always said NEVER GIVE COFFEE CUPS) with a Dunkin’ Donuts card–she doesn’t deserve Sbux.
You were asked to cater her lunch for a week, buy her lattes and birthday presents?
I am gobsmacked over this. I can see an end of the year thank you gift but the rest? You’ve got to be kidding!
I do like the gift suggestions, though. Will be keeping them in mind when I’m asked to spend my children’s education fund on teacher’s gifts.
you mean mean woman, how could you! but seriously how could you not! Brilliant you. I live in Africa but I tell you your story strikes a chord, not only for teachers but for unpleasant people who cannot be avoided.
thanks for the bevy of ideas, cos they are indeed beautiful, can’t wait to test the waters with my ‘awesome,’ albeit appropiate presents
LMAO. We are in a cocoon of a private nursery school right now and we love all our teachers and aides. I can see this changing as the kids get older. The other thing you can do regardless of who you are, is re-gift something that you don’t give a rat’s hindquarters about. Or a swag bag of swag this just isn’t “right” for you.
I agree – mostly. I think donating school supplies is a good idea…they can be expensive, and usually the teacher has to cover them. I agree about not rewarding teachers who don’t put in the effort that a teacher should…that said, it seems more good teachers are leaving the profession every year.
I have a hard time with this one too. At our school, we give the teachers gifts at the holidays and at the end of year (most people give in the $20-$30 range each time). They have a teacher appreciation week where donations and gifts are sent in for the teachers to receive something every day. We also have a monthly “teacher treat” that you sign up for. We also volunteer a lot (including parents running field day and field trips entirely). And then on top of that there are parents who bring the teacher a warm breakfast or coffee or drink multiple mornings throughout the year. My DD’s K class had one parent who gave the teacher $50 at Christmas and bought her a $75 fundraising annual event ticket and who knows what she gave for her end-of-year gift in addition to the things listed above. Just feel like it’s gotten out of hand 🙁
Personally, having the honor of being with my darling son for 8 hours a day should be more than enough. In fact, she should really be giving me the gifts.
Having said that, I have always hated the idea that we “should” give gifts. Can’t we just keep all the cupons that we don’t use and give her the stack at the end of the school year? That’d be word hundreds probably, if she’s into Cheese Wiz and Pop Tarts.
Seriously, though, I love the idea of a donation to a charity. It sends a good message to the students as well. Of course, many teachers might consider their pay rate low enough for them to qualify as charities themselves. At the end of the day, gifts are from the heart and if your heart isn’t there–because theirs wasn’t throughout the school year–then a nice gift just isn’t appropriate.
Thanks for this post!
Wow! Apparently this trend started after my kids finished school. I never had to give end of the year gifts for my kids’ teachers. I probably would not have sent anything. All I can think is that this is their job. Nobody gave me a gift for completing another year at my job.
We shouldn’t have to give gifts to teachers, but I has crossed into the more socially acceptable thing to do. I love the idea of giving to a charity because you don’t feel like you are wasting your money and Smile Train is my favorite charity. Aside from being life changing for so many, they are constantly meeting with medical professionals and making sure the funds are going to the exact place they are needed. I do agree that the average teacher gift is $25ish so a group of parents getting together is a great idea.