Mommy Bloggers are Tools

(Last Updated On: April 29, 2013)

In 2005/6 when I started blogging and writing on the web, I toyed with a lot of potential names for my brand.

I was designing and manufacturing children’s clothing at the time, and in an effort to help the marketing of my own line and that of the many many awesome mompreneurs I was meeting at trade shows and celebrity events, I thought I’d flex my writing muscles a bit and do product reviews for sites like Mommies with Style, and Celebrity Baby Blog. My reviews always involved a story, some context about where a product intersected with my life.

It shocked me, the power that these reviews (my own, and those of my fellow writers) could have. I came up with the brand “Momfluential”. To me the term was empowering and inclusive of all the brilliant writers, mompreneurs and new moms I was meeting, and sharing ideas with. I believed in the word of Mom. I was amazed by the shift in media and marketing culture to a more interactive and engaged model. I watched and participated as the continuum of celebrity bloomed to include moms who were taking their stories and their talents online.

Seven years later, the word Mom is mud.

I consider myself a fairly successful online mom personality with a decent readership and over 130,000 twitter followers. I’ve built this following the old fashioned way – with my words and my engagement. Although blogging is not my primary source of income, I am happy to enjoy some very fulfilling and fairly paid brand relationships.

However, not a day goes by that I don’t receive a poorly composed letter addressed “Dear Mommy Blogger” asking me to spend my precious time reviewing and writing about a totally useless (to me) product worth pennies, provide market research to a brand out of the goodness of my heart, share a promotion with my broad audience of readers and twitter followers, or learn and share a skill from a dubious “expert”. I should do this all for the flattering honor of being recognized and asked. For every actual brand relationship I foster, I delete at least 200 bad pitches.

This post isn’t really about bad pitches. I mention it though to highlight the perceived market value of a mom blogger. Even with a considerable following, and when you are known for a niche, you are subject to this sort of lumping.  This is somewhat disturbing. I worry. I worry that all this self branding of ourselves as Mom, Mommy, Momma, Mama, Mother etc, for empowering reasons, has had quite the opposite effect.

In an effort to avoid the most diminutive and derogatory of the terms “Mommy” blogger, people have used other iconic mother monikers:

• Mama = Sassy and possibly sexy.
• Momma = Don’t mess
• Mum/Mummy = Aloof, euro and above it all
• Mom = To the point, I am a mother and don’t call me Mommy unless I birthed you
• Mother = Smart, well educated, means business

To the mixed monikers, literally millions of moms have added a grab bag of easily-identifiable and SEO friendly flourishes like “Coffee, Booze, Frugal, Crafty, Deal, Cool, Hot, Savvy, Trendy, Sleep, Luxe, Vacation etc”. I understand the urge to brand and identify a niche. But I’m not sure this has helped. In many ways it’s only cemented the stereotypes and bronzed the misperceptions about our so-called community. To the outside world we look weirdly similar to teenaged girls who all dress alike. This ploy for popularity , traffic and recognition from readers and brands via fitting in with a predictable stereotype, is a misfire.

To them we are all “Mommy Bloggers” no matter what moniker for mom we use. We are all painted with the same stereotypical brush and drawn as pathetic one note characters in a stock story.

The media spectrum lacks nuance. On one end,  we have the not-actually-empowered “MILF”.  On the other we have the befuddled escape -seeking, fantasy-indulging caricature in the latest missile at moms lobbed by the WSJ.  Both these characters are tools. Faceless, and replaceable. Women who are controllable and not worthy of respect. All ultimately ignorable.

Meanwhile, on other parts of the web, Career Cast just came out with their list of best and worst jobs for 2012. It surprised and interested me to see that two of the top aspirational jobs for mom bloggers, “Reporter” and “Broadcaster” were two of the worst jobs you could ever even hope for.  Live reporting, publication in a print magazine or paper is a plum oft dangled before Mommy Bloggers seeking to make a mark.

So much for building a brand. Being an on air, or off air authority, “personality” is not all it is cracked up to be.

Also interesting to note on the other end of the list, the best jobs. These include online ad sales managers, and web developers. Both of these are more technical jobs that use the skills that Mom Bloggers might aquire in the pursuit of their blogs. However Mom Bloggers aren’t getting job experience with this by using their words or having opinions. In fact, it might behoove them to shut up and push press releases if these jobs match their career goals. Learn some SEO and HTML. Embrace those stereotypes.

Am I the only one who is incredibly disheartened by this devaluation of content?

It’s been a terrible year for moms in general and Mom bloggers in particular, in the arena of public perception.

I’m singing a new tune, along the lines of “Mother’s Don’t Let Your Daughters Grow up to be MommyBloggers” these days.  I’m fearful for what motherhood will mean, both intellectually and professionally in another ten years.

Personally I’d  like to shake the negative connotations now indelibly inked on the Mom moniker. But I’m not sure how to do that without lopping off the Mom from my title, and losing the trademark that I still feel proud of. I don’t identify with media stereotypes and I have plenty of friends and role models who similarly defy these ideas and expectations.

Many of my friends and colleagues continue on with the title “Mom” proudly displayed on their site headers. These are brilliant writers, successful doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs AND mothers. These are not sad media caricatures. They are not merely underpaid b-list talent, or brand shills enlisted to push press releases and sell product. They have well informed opinions, expertise, and yes… genuine influence.

I applaud people like Liz Gumbinner, Catherine Connors and Kristen Chase who continue to blog on their mom christened sites. I’m relieved to know people like Katherine Stone and Kristen Howerton and Asha Dornfest who somehow, despite the odds, have used their talents to create their own unique universes that defy cliched categorization, and make people think, no matter what they are writing about. It’s a skill set to make people actually think. A skillset I respect far more than the ability to post a press release and regurgitate stock content. No matter what Career Cast says.

Ultimately, authenticity trumps stereotype. It’s the light I cling to. It’s my hope for future bloggers, and mom bloggers especially, as they develop careers and goals and followings, that they don’t lose sight of this light. That they don’t sell out their identity for a quick and cheap deal with a brand that wants to tell them (like the WSJ) who they really are. This is getting harder and harder for new bloggers to do.

Still, selling out is certainly a strategy if “Online Ad Sales Manager” is on your shortlist of dream jobs.

But if you really have something to say, and you’re just starting out, perhaps it’s a prudent career decision to leave the “Mom” and the stereotypical tags out of your title for now. I know it’s what Jessica would do. We all know that “Mommy” is the the truly damning part of the Mommy blogger title.

Stubbornly, I’m hanging onto my own trademark here. I’m still proud of it, proud of what I’ve built and proud of being a mom. Not a stereotypical one.  I’m not about to kneel before some media marketing powers that be and let them define what my moniker (and community) means. I’m still figuring that out for myself, and it may always be a work in progress. But it is my work in progress. I’m not looking for their input.

Stereotypes come and go. Here’s hoping the desperate, attention craving, escape seeking and under empowered Mommy one isn’t here for the long haul. I’m counting on my posse to help knock her out.

 I’m moderating a panel this week about the Perks and Pitfalls of being Multi-Passionate at the upcoming Mom 2.0 Summit, which I feel is relevant to the above post. I’m looking forward to discussing more about the struggle that so many creative entrepreneurs and business people feel between archetype and stereotype. How do we declare our niche, brand ourselves and celebrate our unique identity and skills sets, without succumbing to cliche. I believe it IS possible to do more than one thing, and do those things well. You’re probably already holding the key.