I had a delicious dinner tonight. It had two very important things going for it:
- it wasn’t turkey
- it wasn’t cooked by me.
Disclosure: my meal could have consisted of a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal eaten with a plastic spork and as long as it wasn’t leftovers and I didn’t have to do dishes, it would have been a cause for celebration.
It wasn’t oatmeal. For my dinner date with myself I dined on Tuscan grilled chicken from Nordstrom’s cafe, and it was very tasty. I know because I actually sat and chewed my food, uninterrupted and unrushed. I sat alone with my thoughts, which were buzzy and unfocused. In a season of doing and deciding and choosing and planning, it’s a welcome treat to let the static fill my head like a fuzz buzz.
After I ate I browsed through the holiday gifts, in search of eye candy for dessert. But my brain did that thing it does, the listing and tallying and adding of sums. I kept seeing things for my daughters. Two more gifts for the girls. We’re a little short, and click, tick, tick, before I could stop myself I was shopping. Alex and Ani jewelry for Ani. A Titanic shaped tea steeper and camel shaped sugar bowl for Marly, who watched Titanic ten times last summer and who thinks camels are “majestic”. Make a mental note…
Step away from the gifts!
I’m never really alone. I cannot turn it off. It’s work to turn it off. It’s work to focus on myself.
I drifted to the lingerie departments. Beeline. Not the bras. The pajamas. When I let my subconscious take over, it seems all I want to do is sleep. PJ Salvage. Munki Munki. I lingered over a Barefoot Dreams Bamboo Wrap.
Before I headed home I fondled some Frye Boots for the hell of it. I really don’t need more boots, but I believe shoes are good for the soul so I rubbed the toes for luck like a Buddha’s belly in a Chinese restaurant.
Clearly I need to get out alone more often. If only to dispel the myth that I am difficult to shop for.
Hanukah came far too early this year. All the good stuff is just getting into stores now and I’m just getting the hang of shopping for myself.