Quick! What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Count your blessings? Hit the snooze bar? Not me. I have a confession. I am a cell phone addict.
It’s 4 or 5 am and I’m starting to dream about public restrooms. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve woken myself up from dreams about stalls with no doors, toilets that don’t flush, buildings that have no bathrooms.
Always the same theme. I desperately have to pee and I can’t find anywhere to go. And then I wake up, bladder full, kidneys throbbing. I need to pee. But first, before I drag myself out of bed I check my phone.
This is how I know I am a cell phone addict. Because I am in pain, and doing a horizontal potty dance, but still, I check my phone every day before I get up to pee.
Sometimes (when I really can’t wait) I bring my phone with me to the bathroom, propping it on the sink before I pee. That way I can still read, and it’s waiting for me when I wash my hands after. A part of me resents my body for interfering with my morning fix. It’s rude, and unwelcome. It’s like a child walking in on you when you are making out. You can’t be angry, intellectually speaking. Even though you are. Your animal brain just can’t switch gears that fast. It doesn’t want to.
This is also how I know I am addicted.
My morning cell phone time comes before peeing and coffee. I justify it, rationalizing that I am clearing away important emails from the east coast, catching up on social, posting my daily posts.
So it’s a productive addiction, almost positive! Not at all selfish, which is how I think of most addictions. Selfish past-times, done to the detriment of one’s health, productivity and family.
My a.m. cell phone sessions are not selfish. It’s all about work, community, productivity. It’s not exactly “me time”, though honestly some of that does creep in. Outside of work hours I give myself more time to check in on friends, or to search for an item on ebay. But isn’t that healthy too? Taking a moment for myself?
Travel doesn’t change my addictive routine either. When I was traveling in Europe all summer, I reached for the phone each morning before my eyes fully opened. It was already in my hands as I slowly became conscious at dawn,remembering what city I was presently in.
Fortunately for me, and my addiction, I was able to stay connected with a Samsung Galaxy S7 and Verizon Travelpass Plan. I just conveniently re-upped for a day, whenever I was out of wifi range. (disclosure: I was comped the use of the phone, while I was testing this service.)
I honestly don’t know what I would have done, had withdrawal symptoms been allowed to set in. I’m not sure ever I want to find out.
Morning cell phone sessions are a ritual that I cannot seem to step away from. I’m conflicted about it, knowing I am addicted. I don’t like that it is so automatic. I don’t like knowing it would be hard for me to give it up. A few mornings without a charged device or without signal have given me a taste of the anxiety I’d experience were I to attempt to go cold turkey.
I also can’t seem to find the motivation give it up. Is it really such a bad thing? Is there a reason (bladder health aside) that I need to change this routine? I’m not sure it’s worth the inconvenience and discomfort it would surely cause me to not have this worldwide connection firing up with my waking synapses each am.
I’d consider changing my routine, if I felt it made sense. I like challenges. Maybe it would be life changing in a good way. Maybe swapping yoga for swiping a screen, is the key to nirvana.
But I’m not there yet. I’m not sure what the cost of my morning addiction is.
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