Momfluential Media

Utah Politician in Hot Water: 1985

momfluential — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 19:37:46 +0000

NOTE: Scroll down for the Lyrics!

Utah politician Kevin Garner has gotten himself into hot water with the admission of an event that happened 25 years ago. It seems the then-28 yo and married politician took a dip in his hot tub with a 15yo employee, Cheryl Maher. Nakie. Ah…I remember 1985. It was a blast. Hot tubbing in the nude with my politician bosses/ex Sunday School teacher… Cause it was all fun and games getting naked with my boss. Innocent. Impromptu. Crazy kids!

Oh wait. Never happened. My life is so boring. And unmonetized by political scandal. What was I thinking staying so clothed all those years ago?

Supposedly Kev paid Cheryl $150k to keep mum about the incident but now, Cheryl needs to share the truth in order to “heal”. She came out with the story and he somehow got a round of applause. For his honesty. Which is far less than my husband can expect should any nakie hottubbing incidents from the 80’s come to light any time soon. Meanwhile, while I am still scratching my head here, I’d like to dedicate the following lyrics, set to the song “1985″ (as seen above). Enjoy!

Woo Hoo Hooooo!
Woo hoo hooooo!
Cindy just made a call
She almost had it all
She charged 150K
The story went away
Her dreams went down the drain
Swimsuits are such a pain.
Got naked with that man
What happened to her plan?

He was gonna join the Senate
He was be a star
He was gonna slam his fist
Get a driver for his car

Her lack of bikini is now the enemy
She’s messing up his life
And nothing, has been…
all right since

The Gipper and George Bush
Just said no to teen tush
Gary Hart, Donna Rice
Voters thought “That’s not nice!”

Her best friends from high school
Thought her job was real cool
Cuz she’s getting monetized
From 19, 19, 1985

Woo Hoo Hooooo!
(1985)
Woo Hoo Hooooo!

He’s seen all the classics
He knows every line
“I did not sleep with her”,
Even “the fault was mine”
He won’t be a Spitzer!
He’s got a brand new plan
Garner’s gonna get a hand
Gonna be a Clarence Thomas fan

Where’s the evidence posted on YouTube?
Before we had flip cams we had to watch the news.
When did reality become T.V.?
What ever happened to hot tubs, drunk bosses,
(before the internet)

The Gipper and George Bush
Just said no to teen tush
Gary Hart, Donna Rice
Voters thought “That’s not nice!”

Her best friends from high school
Thought her job was real cool
Cuz she’s getting monetized
From 19, 19, 1985

Woo Hoo Hooooo!

She hates time, make it stop
How did her dead cash cow just up his stock?
And when did hottubs become so uncool?
Please make this stop, stop, STOP (tick tick tick) and bring back

The Gipper and George Bush
Just said no to teen tush
Gary Hart Donna Rice
Voters thought “that’s not nice!”

Her best friends from high school
Thought her job was real cool
Cuz she’s getting monetized
From 19, 19, 1985

Woo Hoo Hooooo!

My Issue With The Mad Men Barbies

momfluential — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 22:48:44 +0000

Mattel and Lionsgate released images today of the Madmen collectible Barbies that will shortly be available for purchase. I have to say I am disappointed.

I’m just gonna say it. Joan looks skinnier than Betty. This is just wrong. To de-voluptualize (I just made that word up, yay me!) Joan in this fashion is sacrilage.The horror!

Furthermore, Don? There’s a little too much Ken peeking through. Like Ken went to a Madmen party with all his cross-dressing Barbie collecting bffs and they made him be their Don but couldn’t help but apply eyeliner. Ken my dear, you are no Don.

Still this is all very amusing and I expect to see the dolls sell out even at $75 a pop. The one doll they got right? Betty. Because Betty was basically Barbie’s Connecticut twin sister to start with.

Dakota Drops a Cherry Bomb

momfluential — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 22:28:45 +0000

Ok, I know this is a movie, a role she is playing. This is not 16 year old Dakota Fanning’s new personal style statement. Dakota is way too sophisticated to go with this so obvious it’s almost boring lingerie as daywear, bleached hair, sharpie pen eyeliner, eff off cause I’m gonna do drugs and get laid now cause I CAN cause I am all grown up and I’ll effing cut you if you tell me to put on a sweater. Mom. [Insert massive eye roll and suicidal tendencies clip here]

RIP Youth.

I love Dakota Fanning. Like a young Jodi Foster. That kid can ACT. I just hate her in this role. Because all her little fans? They aren’t so subtle. They are going to imitate this angst ridden look, attitude etc They cannot help themselves. It’s the hormones. I’d wager that my 13 year old will probably try and wear a bustier to school at some point in the next six months because of this crap (then again now that I wrote that she will do something else just to prove a point that I’m not that all knowing, which we all know I am!). And here I was hoping for something more original than my own teenaged rebellion. Sigh.

Call me old (fashioned) but I’m sad to see Dakota’s youthful image slip away on screen and likely offscreen as well now. Couldn’t she have at least played some Jane Austen era nymphomaniac or something? That would have worked for me. There would be less eyeliner for me to wash off the pillowcases and less conditioner to buy for all that fried hair.

Tiny Prints – Not Just for Holiday Cards!

momfluential — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:14:35 +0000

When it was time to order my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah invitations I longed for the convenience of online ordering and the quality of a local stationer. With my busy schedule and tight budget, I found myself in a bit of a panic. Tiny Prints to the rescue. I was already familiar with this awesome company after having ordered holiday cards from them in years past.

After perusing their offerings I found a card I liked and in under 20 minutes, completed the entire ordering process. Even though I was offerred the cards gratis, as a review item, I held my breath. So much was at stake and time was short. My daughter would only have one Bat Mitzvah, and if you have a family you know how it is when you send out a hundred or so invites. You want them to be NICE. You want to get calls from people saying how elegant and lovely your invitations were, and where did you get them… I crossed my fingers.

It turns out I didn’t need to be superstitious. Tiny Prints lived up to our expectations and went beyond. Friends and relatives phoned to see where we got them and at least a couple people placed orders for their upcoming events as well! Watch the video to see the reasons why I heartily recommend using Tiny Prints for your special event invites!

Touched by Layla Grace

momfluential — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:52:26 +0000

Moments after I heard the news about Layla Grace on twitter yesterday, the tears came. But the words didn’t. Like Cheryl from Special Sauce in the House, I knew Shanna, Layla’s Mom, not just from her posts on her blog, but from the small, somewhat tight knit forum community at Mommies With Style. We went through pregnancies together on those boards. We discussed our kids diets, teachers, bullies, friends, neighbors and more. It’s a very supportive community. A broader community now mourns with the Marsh family. They’ve touched so many with Layla’s story, which is now her legacy. A legacy of hope that one day diseases like the Neuroblastoma that took her, will have a cure.

Click through to Cheryl’s post about Layla Grace to learn more about Layla and how she and her parents have touched so many people with their story. Cheryl has expressed so perfectly what I have trouble putting into words.

My heart goes out to this brave family.

If Lox isn’t Kosher, I’m Not Sure I Can Go On

momfluential — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:27:03 +0000

For me this rumor started with a tweet from my pal Beth Feldman of Rolemommy. She heard it in a cab in Manhattan and subsequent googling on my part has confirmed her early reports. There are those who would argue that Lox, perhaps *the* flagship food of the Jewish people (floating proudly alongside a fleet of bagels, matzoh balls, noodle kugels and latkes) is NOT KOSHER. Keine Hora! Lashon Hora! (that’s no evil eye and bad bad evil words of gossip for non tribal members).

Fortunately it’s just a small sect that says this. On the east coast. Not in Cali, as far as I know. Also fortunate (for me) is the fact that I do not actually keep Kosher. I’ve been know to have bacon and shellfish. Outside my home, of course. However. This is still traumatic. I’d like to think I could someday be kosher. You know, if I wanted to make that commitment and get double the appliances with my next kitchen remodel. Alas, the ban on lox would be a dealbreaker for this Jew. Parasite schmarasites. It’s bad enough I can’t eat the bagel what with my gluten issues. What is this world coming to!?

Mom on Mom E-mail Action: Bullying Solution?

momfluential — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:06:18 +0000

I’m loving this post from Debbie Lavdas of Debbie’s Hot Topics for OCFamily. Debbie’s asking for advice about what to do when your daughter is being bullied. Email the other mom? Tell her to push back, stomp on feet and pull hair when pinned against the wall? Take her out for ice cream for defending herself? What kind of possibly me horrible mother would give this advice? Dealing with bullies is tough parenting stuff. The urge to vent and the ability to shoot your slings and arrows off through cyberspace is sometimes irresistible. Click through to Debbie’s article on OCFamily to weigh in on this topic, or leave a comment here. Let’s discuss. How do you deal with it when your kid gets bullied?

Blogger Brunch at Akasha for Steaz

momfluential — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:26:53 +0000

Yvonne Condes of Yvonne in LA, Sarah Auerswald of Mar Vista Mom and Elise Crane Derby of Elise’s Ramblings got together this morning for what looks like a scrumptious brunch at Akasha in Beverly Hills.

This brunch was put together by Steaz, which was also sampled. Can’t wait to hear how they liked it.

Let us know what you thought, ladies!

Also… save me a muffin. Especially if it is one of Yvonne’s Gluten Free ones!

What the Ass Burger?

momfluential — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:00:33 +0000

Following the airing of the new NBC Show Parenthood last night, “Assburgers syndrome” rose to #3 on Google as a trending search topic. One of the characters in the show was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Asperger’s syndrome appears to be on the rise. It’s a diagnosis that we’ve heard multiple times in my family, amongst friends and in the news. I’m curious to see what the show will do with it. Hopefully calling attention to the syndrome in a prime time show will prove to be a positive choice. In the meantime, I’m going to call attention to the lack of common sense and spelling issues of the masses who google. Clearly this is an issue alive and looming in the mainstream population. “Assburgers” people? Come on!

Five Minute Makeover #2

momfluential — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:27:11 +0000

It’s time for another 5 Minute Makeover with Rebecca of Girl’s Gone Child, Sarah from Hair Thursday and Josie Maran. Are you ready to see how law school grad Katya rocks her new look? Tune in to this entertaining and fun idea filled video for inspiration.

In other news, I’m totally stalking Sarah for hair ideas for myself! Sorry Sarah… I have hair issues!