When it comes to diet and exercise I’m amazed by the level of discipline and fortitude displayed by bloggers. Gluten free, raw, vegan paleo and whole 30? No problem. Proper punctuation and an effective adjective?
That’s too tough.
Bad writing habits are as easy to slip into as bad eating habits. I know how it goes. A few lazy midnight posts about events you barely remember attending (but feel pressured to write about anyways),and OMG! WTF! You’ve used every turn of phrase on the list below, with multiple exclamation points for emphasis!!!
Let me throw in an emoticon here too 🙁
Good writing takes creativity, discipline and a healthy relationship with your thesaurus.
I’m not going to pretend that my own posts are junk word free. I struggle like everyone. My brain thirstily soaks up crappy advertising slogans and pop culture turns-of-phrase. My brain is a left leaning Valley Girl wannabe. It develops accents of its own. It’s like the tongues of those people who surprise themselves when they start talking in a Southern accent after watching a single episode of the Dukes of Hazzard. Damn you brain!
Sometimes when I’m combing over old posts I cringe and twitch, realizing the drivel that has poured out of me on occasion.
So I’m writing this list of Things to Stop saying on your Blog for my own good, as well as yours.
Much like a list of forbidden foods (ice cream, bacon, brie cheese….) these commonly worked phrases and overly used describers are tempting and bad for you. You don’t have to cut them out forever, but you do have to learn how to use them sparingly.
Say goodbye to:
- I recently attended – Well DUH. I can see from the photo that you were at this thing and it looks like you were an adult. Start with a more definitive line like “On March 10th the Candy Store hosted a Sugar Feast.” You don’t need to tell us you were there if you are in the pictures and/or obviously took them.
- I can’t even describe – Try harder then. You’re writing a blog post. It’s kind of your job.
- Amazing – Yawn. Everything is Amazing. Thesaurus time.
- Awesome – See: Amazing
- Utterly thrilled – I’m not sure when everyone started being thrilled about everything and when the utterly inflation started but I’m really not a fan of utterly. It sounds like udderly and reminds me of cows. Find another way to describe your emotions that doesn’t sound so generic.
- So excited – See Utterly thrilled. So excited is like “nice”. I’m so excited to get my mail from the mailbox. I’m so excited to eat dinner! Amazing!!! These words need many exclamation points to punch up their faded flavor.
- I must confess – Then confess. Don’t tell us you are going to confess. Unless you want to tell us why you MUST confess. Is someone holding a gun to your head? Is that why you must?
- I have to admit – See confession above.
- Honestly… – Wait… were you lying before?
- I was at a loss for words – Take a break, find the words, and come back after you’ve read the thesaurus cover to cover.
- I never thought I’d say – Whatever comes next better be good, like: “put the suitcase full of stolen passports on the motel bed,” good. If you never thought you’d say “I need a new pair of Spanx,” then you just lack vision.
- Bling – This is tired and somewhat juvenile slang, and feels like it’s trying too hard to be cool or fit in. 8 and 80 year olds refer to their bling and it feels awkward.
- Fab – See Bling
- Adorable/Adorbs – Another one that needs !!! to even raise your pulse. See thesaurus.
- Hot – Oh please, you can do better. My seven year old can do better.
- Bae – There’s a reason it was on this year’s list of banned words
- Glam – See Fab
- Diva – See Bling. Whatever you do, don’t be tempted to punch it up with ‘licious.
- Totally – It’s like you like sneezed on me. This word is totally an infection and totally contagious. Vaccinate yourself
- OMG – Save it for the text
- Super-Cool – See “Amazing”
- Rockstar – See Bling
- How I roll – Rewind please. Just don’t go there.
- Mommyjuice – Booze is booze and breastmilk is breastmilk. Whatever you are referring to it’s best to be specific and descriptive. In my case that’s a Dirty Grey Goose Martini, two olives, thank you very much.
- When She’s not…. she’s…. When did this become a bio “thing”? Can we stop it already? Please?
I thought I was done with this post but just for fun I thought I’d write a post using ALL of these phrases and guess what? It sounds pretty damn familiar doesn’t it? Do NOT use this as a template!
I recently attended (insert event). I can’t even describe how cool it was. It was amazing and awesome and I was utterly thrilled to be invited. I was so excited to go I could hardly sleep. I must confess I am a total fan of (insert event here). I have to admit I was nervous about going. Honestly I never thought I’d get to (insert event here). I was at a loss for words when I got there and saw (insert event something here). I never thought I’d say that. Of course I wore my bling, and everything was fab and the kids were all so adorbs. (Person) looked hot. He’s my Bae. (Person) looked glam and I was surprised she wasn’t a diva. OMG, I can’t believe I was invited to this supercool rockstar (insert event here) but that’s how we mommy bloggers roll. Now a toast to us, with some bubbly mommyjuice.
This post was written by Ciaran. When she’s not scaling Mt Kilimanjaro while conducting neurosurgery, she’s doing something else supercute and homeylike or rewriting her bio.
I leave you with this delightful comic, a drawing of the Mars Lander, using the thousand or so most commonly used words in the English language
Image Source: http://xkcd.com/