This past week has marked the end of an era that was, thankfully brief.
But it felt like it lasted forever. Three inches and two shoe sizes worth of growth spurt. Four new best friends. A dozen teacher conferences and class parties. Seven orthodontist appointments. At least two all nighters with sick, barfing kids.
Half a school year.
That was how long my husband has been gone, working in San Francisco on a long term contract. It was intense product development and he was not able to come come home on most weekends. Just once a month, for a couple of those months.
I thought a lot about military wives, single moms, widows. I tried not to feel sorry for myself. Can’t say I succeeded. But, with four kids in four schools (none of them nearby) and a full time career, I had little time to wallow.
Daddy in the Box refers to nightly Skype sessions. We’d leave the computer cam on in the kitchen, and my husband would leave his on at his desk, or in his hotel room. It was nothing almost like being there. But no hugs. Frequent disconnects. The kids grew frustrated when the screen would freeze. My three yr old hated it so much that he hid from Daddy in the Box. My seven year old was too distracted by his own mug on camera to have a real, meaningful conversation. Now I know where the phrase “aping” the camera comes from. 7 year olds. Not apes.
I’m proud of myself for surviving. Proud to say my 15 year old never missed the train. We only forgot the preschooler’s lunch once. I made it to everyone’s conferences. Homework was done. Permission slips signed. Laundry washed too.
In some ways it was easier. My way or the highway. No arguing about discipline practices or chores. No playing chicken with the dishes in the sink, seeing who would load them first. I did them and I was done.
So I’ve learned that I’m a little less lazy than I thought (dishes) and far more stoic (everything else).
As awful as it was, I’m glad we did it. It’s refreshing to be able to appreciate my husband for all the things he does, rather than nag about all the things he doesn’t do. When I say I know how it feels to do it ALL, I mean it. I’ve done it. Alone. But not without the support of amazing friends and family. Which counts for a lot.
A whole damn lot.
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