NOTE: Scroll down for the Lyrics!
Utah politician Kevin Garner has gotten himself into hot water with the admission of an event that happened 25 years ago. It seems the then-28 yo and married politician took a dip in his hot tub with a 15yo employee, Cheryl Maher. Nakie. Ah…I remember 1985. It was a blast. Hot tubbing in the nude with my politician bosses/ex Sunday School teacher… Cause it was all fun and games getting naked with my boss. Innocent. Impromptu. Crazy kids!
Oh wait. Never happened. My life is so boring. And unmonetized by political scandal. What was I thinking staying so clothed all those years ago?
Supposedly Kev paid Cheryl $150k to keep mum about the incident but now, Cheryl needs to share the truth in order to “heal”. She came out with the story and he somehow got a round of applause. For his honesty. Which is far less than my husband can expect should any nakie hottubbing incidents from the 80′s come to light any time soon. Meanwhile, while I am still scratching my head here, I’d like to dedicate the following lyrics, set to the song “1985″ (as seen above). Enjoy!
Woo Hoo Hooooo!
Woo hoo hooooo!
Cheryl just made a call
She almost had it all
She charged 150K
The story went away
Her dreams went down the drain
Swimsuits are such a pain.
Got naked with that man
What happened to her plan?
He was gonna join the Senate
He was be a star
He was gonna slam his fist
Get a driver for his car
Her lack of bikini is now the enemy
She’s messing up his life
And nothing, has been…
all right since
The Gipper and George Bush
Just said no to teen tush
Gary Hart, Donna Rice
Voters thought “That’s not nice!”
Her best friends from high school
Thought her job was real cool
Cuz she’s getting monetized
From 19, 19, 1985
Woo Hoo Hooooo!
(1985)
Woo Hoo Hooooo!
He’s seen all the classics
He knows every line
“I did not sleep with her”,
Even “the fault was mine”
He won’t be a Spitzer!
He’s got a brand new plan
Garner’s gonna get a hand
Gonna be a Clarence Thomas fan
Where’s the evidence posted on YouTube?
Before we had flip cams we had to watch the news.
When did reality become T.V.?
What ever happened to hot tubs, drunk bosses,
(before the internet)
The Gipper and George Bush
Just said no to teen tush
Gary Hart, Donna Rice
Voters thought “That’s not nice!”
Her best friends from high school
Thought her job was real cool
Cuz she’s getting monetized
From 19, 19, 1985
Woo Hoo Hooooo!
She hates time, make it stop
How did her dead cash cow just up his stock?
And when did hottubs become so uncool?
Please make this stop, stop, STOP (tick tick tick) and bring back
The Gipper and George Bush
Just said no to teen tush
Gary Hart Donna Rice
Voters thought “that’s not nice!”
Her best friends from high school
Thought her job was real cool
Cuz she’s getting monetized
From 19, 19, 1985
Woo Hoo Hooooo!
Related posts:
